The Emotional Cost of Caring

If your mother had dementia and needed round the clock care, would you put her in a care home or look after her yourself?

47-year old Sue chose the latter. For nearly a decade she cared for her 88-year-old mother Patricia at home.

I originally did a two minute TV story for BBC South Today. But a glimpse into their lives made me think that spending 24 hours with both women would really show how the emotional cost of caring takes its toll.

On my own, I spent a day, night and morning recording what they go through. I found myself taking a ride on a local ferry, in the middle, in the rain, because Patricia insisted on going out.  Sue was keen that I documented every part of their life together. So at particularly distressing times I would lie on the bedroom floor holding my mic in the air in order to capture the often brutal reality of caring for a terminally ill relative. At one point Patricia asks her daughter to call the vicar because she wants to die.

Sue’s honesty creates for a difficult listen.

‘Sometimes I think it would be quite nice to drift away together.’

Broadcast: BBC Radio 4 Woman’s Hour. Picked up by other outlets.